I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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