***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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