Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Randomize
