That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am naked and annoyed.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
