I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
