Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
