i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
