You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
