forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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