i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
