If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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