I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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