turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
