you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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