White coat. Heels.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
