I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
