FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you didnt know i had herpes?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
