sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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