Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
