look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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