He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
