I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
