Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
