It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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