I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
