I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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