1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
