Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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