my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
