Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
