You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She needs sedatives and a leash
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize