You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
