I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
