The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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