I think I am morally bankrupt
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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