it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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