Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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