they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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