We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize