I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize