She is in my trunk
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize