Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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