Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Randomize
