just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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