i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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