If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
