I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
