Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
