So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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