im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
