I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
