Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
