so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
