maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
