I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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