I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
