tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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