I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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