guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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