She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
