Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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