don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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