I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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