It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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