She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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