you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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