I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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