No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
